Rock 'n' Wrestling: "I think this is FAKE!"

Short version: Professional wrestling was a legitimate contest from its 19^th century origins until roughly a hundred years ago. Nobody is sure when exactly it happened. Wrestlers and promoters alike agreed that more of an athletic exhibition with predetermined outcomes was a better idea than a ‘shoot’ that could last up to four ponderous hours. Everyone would benefit from the change. Wrestlers agreed to cooperate in the ring in the interest of making

Toots Mondt.

more money. Promoters raked in the bucks at the box office and on the sly from local gamblers who were none the wiser. Audiences enjoyed the more action-oriented approach pioneered by then-wrestler and future promoter Toots Mondt, who created a style incorporating traditional Greco-Roman and freestyle wrestling with various brawling techniques. Mondt’s “slam-bang Western-style wrestling” innovations would change everything, as it is what every wrestler we have loved and/or hated ever since has practiced in the ring.

Things were great until 1934 when one Jack Pfefer found himself on the wrong side of a business dispute between himself and his fellow wrestling promoters—a group that included Toots Mondt. Pfefer would get even by spilling the beans in an interview with the New York Daily Mirror. Fans had wondered about pro wrestling for a long time and now one of the top

Jack Pfefer: the ruiner.

matchmakers had confirmed that it was not a legitimate sporting contest at all! Wrestling’s popularity would then decline throughout the Great Depression, but the True Sport of Kings came back in the post-World War II era with the advent of television. Gorgeous George, Verne Gagne, and Buddy Rogers became some of the first TV celebrities in the 1950s as the industry itself gained a new lease on life. Televised wrestling would then settle comfortably into the realm of trashy American pulp entertainment that you all should know and love.

Sometimes some loudmouth know-it-all would bring up the fact that wrestling wasn’t “real,” but there was nothing phony about consistent television ratings and live attendance throughout much of the country. Plenty of fans simply enjoyed the entertainment and were unconcerned with how the illusion maintained itself. However, MANY fans still believed that the rivalries were the real deal; just ask the numerous

wrestlers attacked by rabid fans in arenas and parking lots throughout the years! Wrestlers were also encouraged by promoters to sustain believability in public, which could be problematic when confronted by outsiders questioning the integrity of their profession. I’ve read some cringe-worthy tales of life-altering injuries inflicted to keep kayfabe alive. Teeth were lost, bones were broken, and eyes were gouged out in many a bar or nightclub when drunken idiots picked REAL fights with FAKE ‘rasslers’! This was accepted behavior in the business for a long time—in many cases, losing the fight would also cost a wrestler his job. Similar things also happened to would-be grapplers and local tough guys looking to be on TV by getting in the ring. They usually quit after one training session with a seasoned pro who knew how to inflict serious damage and leave them with soiled trunks and a variety of injuries.

 Bob Roop dishes out a wrestling lesson to Florida Man.

Let’s flash forward to 1985 when American popular culture was embracing professional wrestling more than it had in a very long time. Cable television allowed regional promotions from Georgia and San Antonio to be viewed across our great nation while the WWF brought wrestling back to network TV after decades in syndication. Mainstream media outlets began paying more attention with a series of reports on pro wrestling’s increased popularity and its effects. Every single one of them made a point of mentioning that wrestling was not “real,” but “fake.” Not one ever bothered noting that this was no different from Saturday Night Live, The Cosby Show, or Miami Vice—after all, that would be building wrestling up rather than tearing it down like they wanted. However, one report tops the rest and I’m sure a lot of you know where this is going already.

 

My name is John Stossel and I HATE FUN.

20/20 investigative journalist John Stossel decided to take on the wrestling industry with a segment where he would expose the Real Truth to everyone—that professional wrestling was not a legitimate sport. Never mind that this had been public knowledge for fifty years. Stossel could have exposed the truth on 20/20 about promoters’ various business tactics that violated labor and antitrust laws, but that wasn’t as much fun as his crusade to simply make people feel stupid for watching wrestling. Wrestling was something that brought friends and families together—it was fun to watch and Stossel was going overboard. He was as condescending as can be in his report, speaking of his limited college wrestling credentials and referring to “rassling” in a white-trash accent. Stossel hammered home the word “fake,” making his point until it was taken and smashed into smithereens. He even had his own Jack Pfefer in Eddie Mansfield, a disgruntled grappler who hadn’t made it big in the

Eddie Mansfield blading for the camera.

regional territories. Not only was Mansfield willing to lead Stossel through the basic motions of a wrestling match on camera, but he also demonstrated the blading technique used to draw blood for effect!

Stossel took things to the next level by questioning individual wrestlers on camera about the legitimacy of their occupation, as if they would simply answer to his satisfaction. He even asked the Iron Sheik, who angrily challenged him to enter the ring and find out for himself. Stossel probably only saw him as a cartoonish fraud, but would not have lasted long against the Shah of Iran’s former bodyguard and onetime Olympian. He would then attempt a verbal joust against “Dr. D” David Schultz, a

Dr. D was Stone Cold before Steve Austin opened
his first can of Whoop-Ass.

nasty redneck heel from Tennessee who was essentially “Stone Cold” over a decade before Steve Austin opened his first can of Whoop-Ass™. Schultz was a product of the wrestling industry before its mainstream resurgence. His ornery onscreen persona was an amplified extension of his personality and publicly maintained at all times. Dr. D was simply doing his part by giving this scrawny reporter a hard time in describing professional wrestling as a business where only the toughest of the tough survive when Stossel decided to ask what he called “the standard question.” Actually, Stossel didn’t ask it at all. He made the standard statement: “I think this is FAKE!”

POW! Schultz slapped the ever-loving SHIT out of Stossel without any hesitation, knocking him to the floor! “That’s an open-hand slap!” said the good Doctor with an expert diagnosis.

“Did that feel ‘fake’?” Stossel slowly rose back to his feet in disbelief, only to be slapped right back down a second time before Dr. D ran him off under a hail of further verbal abuse. 20/20 anchor Barbara Walters was horrified at what Schultz had done to Stossel, who complained of lingering pain and buzzing in his ears weeks after it happened. Stossel would later sue the WWF for damages, settling out of court for $425,000. Schultz found himself in hot water with the New York State Athletic Commission, who suspended his license until he expressed his regret in an apology letter. However, Dr. D would soon be out of a job after a backstage altercation involving Mr. T. He would retire from wrestling after brief stints in

Dr. D: Bounty Hunter.

Memphis, Calgary, and Japan to become a bail bondsman and a professional bounty hunter working with the FBI, the DEA, and various police departments around the world. John Stossel would eventually express his own regret over the lawsuit, citing it as a frivolous example of America’s litigious society.

Dave Schultz may have gone too far, but people forget (or don’t know) that there are plenty of similar stories that make his reaction to Stossel look merciful in comparison!

Vince McMahon’s 1989 testimony before the New Jersey senate confirmed wrestling’s open secret, leading to increased exposure throughout the ‘90s. Insider newsletters like the Wrestling Observer went from being strictly underground publications to the leaders of wrestling journalism as more fans gained internet access. Wrestling evolved once again as people became completely aware that they were watching athletic entertainment designed to evoke desired responses. Fans extend more respect to the sacrifices involved in the physical theater. Interviews and podcasts discussing on-the-road stories and locker room politics are the norm now. Everybody knows what’s going on and no one seems to mind except for the occasional “ultimate fighting” fan blissfully unaware of modern MMA’s roots and inspiration. Although pro wrestling kayfabe is dead and buried, that might actually be a good thing because let’s be real—who in any occupation appreciates being called a phony…and who wants to lose an eye?

Rob Van Dam

Happy 50th birthday to Rob Van Dam! RVD can hold the ECW world television championship in a mocking fashion all he wants because he is Mister Pay-Per-View and the whole fucking show!

Movie Review: Tootsie (1982)

DIRECTOR: Sydney Pollack. CAST: Dustin Hoffman, Jessica Lange, Teri Garr, Dabney Coleman, Charles Durning, Bill Murray, Sydney Pollack, George Gaynes, Geena Davis, Doris Belack, Ellen Foley, Ronald L. Schwary, Lynne Thigpen.
Tootsie might be the best gender comedy of all time; it is certainly one of the finest funny movies of its decade. Dustin Hoffman is Michael Dorsey, an unemployed actor with a difficult reputation around town. Desperate for work, Michael impersonates a woman to get a role on a popular daytime soap opera. His character is a hit, but it also takes a toll on his personal life as he falls for one of his female co-stars while also resisting the advances of her father and another male cast member. Tootsie keeps its humor intelligent without going the obvious homo/transphobic route like it probably would in someone else’s hands. Not one performance goes wasted here; everyone shines in what is a true gem of a movie. They don’t make ‘em like this anymore and they should. Watch Tootsie immediately; you will see why it was a huge box office draw in its day.

Movie Review: 1941 (1979)

DIRECTOR: Steven Spielberg. CAST: Dan Aykroyd, John Belushi, Ned Beatty, Lorraine Gary, Murray Hamilton, Christopher Lee, Tim Matheson, Toshiro Mifune, Warren Oates, Robert Stack, Treat Williams, Nancy Allen, Bobby DiCicco, Dianne Kay, Perry Lang, Slim Pickens, Wendie Jo Sperber, Eddie Deezen, Joe Flaherty, John Candy, Frank McRae, Susan Backlinie. 
1941 is a glorious disaster of a film; it is not a ‘good movie’ as much as it is an amazing spectacle. Personally, I cannot hate a movie simultaneously recognizing the diverse talents of Toshiro Mifune and Eddie Deezen. You certainly will not find such an ensemble cast anywhere else! 1941 is an attempt at a World War II-era comedy through the anarchic lens of Saturday Night Live or Animal House. American tension is high after the attack on Pearl Harbor just a couple days before. Wild rumors abound and everyone is on alert. Servicemen and zoot suiters are rioting in the streets and a lone Japanese submarine is lost in the Pacific Ocean while trying to find and attack Los Angeles. 1941 introduces several movies’ worth of characters and stories at once; so much is going on that most viewers would likely get lost in the chaos. Fans that can make sense of this mess will enjoy the 146-minute director’s cut that fleshes out some of the more principal characters. Although 1941 is not laugh-out-loud funny most of the time, it captures the period in which it takes place with good unpretentious fun.

Darkest Heavy: Remembering Z.O.E.

Osaka’s Z.O.E. boasted members of some of Japan’s best crustcore bands, but reveled in blatant unoriginality in mining the AMEBIX field for everything it could possibly be worth. They formed as a bedroom band by ex-GLOOM guitarist Taki in 1997, acquiring the drumming services of Takayama from FRAMTID four years later. Z.O.E. issued The Beginning as a CD-R demo in 2002, attracting attention from fans of Japan’s “crasher crust” scene for its painstaking attention to detail—these four songs sound dead on like AMEBIX outtakes if not for Taki’s howling vocals. “Be Celled & Be Chain of Master” steals the riff from “Drink & Be Merry” outright while the other songs are only somewhat less offensive in their thievery. Z.O.E. followed up with the instrumental “Spere Alive” on The Darkest 4, a compilation tape also featuring fellow Japanese crustys EFFIGY, ACROSTIX, and the amusingly named DISTURD.

Crust War originally intended to release 2003’s From Hell EP as a split with the like-

minded EFFIGY. Both bands even recorded title tracks for the concept, with Z.O.E. writing “From Hell (Ice Devil)” as a companion piece to EFFIGY’s “From Hell (Summer Devil).” Crust War simply released both as separate records instead. From Hell is the band’s best example of their “darkest heavy” sound; the long title track builds to a particularly nice crusty crescendo. “Destroyer” gets more to the point while “Spider” fades out after about a minute as something of a teaser track.

The Last Axe Beat re-records all four tracks from The Beginning and adds two new songs plus “Spider” in full. Z.O.E. relentlessly references AMEBIX and ZYGOTE throughout; it is almost more than one can handle by the album’s end.

Although the songs are appropriately loud and heavy, The Last Axe Beat misses the dynamics that Z.O.E.’s favorite band established with both their songwriting and presentation. Z.O.E. would then cover “The Power Remains” and “Winter” on MCR Company’s Amebix Japan: A Tribute to Amebix compilation (a dream come true, I’m sure) and also re-recorded “New World” and “Zygospore” for the Konton Damaging Ear Massacre compilation released by Crust War in 2005.

How did Z.O.E. manage to get away with such a flagrantly imitative approach? I do not know myself; I am still trying to figure it out over fifteen years later as I still enjoy these recordings on some level.

SEE ALSO: Defector, Ferocious X, Framtid, Gloom, War Cry.

Rick Rude

I vaguely remember this from the early ‘90s! Can you imagine getting a literal Rude Awakening from Ravishing Rick Rude? I think I might have enjoyed having him call my worst enemy or least favorite schoolteacher early in the morning to call them out for being fat, out of shape [insert city here] sweathogs! Actually, it might have been funny to just have Rude bellow “UPPER BODY BUSINESS!” into the phone repeatedly before hanging up!

Dynamite Kid

Dynamite Kid debuts on television taking on the veteran Alan Dennison for World of Sport in 1976! Nicknamed the Strongman, old school British wrestling fans seem to have fond memories of Dennison’s tag teams with Cyanide Sid Cooper and Ted “Hooker” Heath back in the 1960s and ‘70s. Dennison was once quoted as saying that the best way to keep young was to work with young people. This match certainly puts that theory to the test, as Dynamite Kid is only seventeen years old here! Dynamite keeps Dennison surprised by being able to maneuver out of holds and takedown attempts, flipping and landing on his feet to the delight of the crowd. Clearly impressed with the Kid’s superior athleticism, Dennison gets on the house mic after the match and puts him over big time. I wonder if anyone in the building that afternoon had any visions of the Dynamite Kid’s future as an innovator in Canada, Japan, and the United States.